The Quest for the Bathroom (Door)

Part 4

Participants in the posted portion of this story:

And Fourthly...

"Argh!" said Quiz, "I'll never get to use the bathroom at this rate!"

"Just don't give up hope," replied Gally, "though the way is long and the authors aren't coming up with nearly as many creative ideas as they were before, I'm sure that we'll find the piece and a way outta here."


A new deck of cards was procured from using a pencil on several scrap pieces of paper, and the game resumed among the resting and bored.

"Hey, wait a minute!" said Quiz, "You know the way out of the middle, right?"

"Well, yeah, but how will we get to the middle?"

"Like THIS!" said Quiz, opening Sara's backpack and taking out a Binford 9999 Deluxe Chainsaw. He then became a spinning tornatdo of fury, chopping down everything green in his path. When the smoke cleared, all that was left of the entire hedge maze was one leaf, still carefully balanced on a single branch...

"Oh, great, I can't kind the way out if there IS no maze.."

All of the Fellowship resisted the urge to whack the guide as they walked back towards the castle...

(by T.C. Chavez, Quizmaster 4.0)

"Won't Brian R get mad at us for this?" asked Keolah.

They glare at each other. "Why would he?" grins Quiz.

"And can't we stay in one tense?" wondered Keolah.

"No," they reply.

Keolah sighed. "Okay, how about we climb these vines clinging to the wall here up to the library?"

(by Keolah)

As Sara follows the group back to the castle, she suddenly trips and falls into a large hole. The Fellowship, hearing her scream, all run over to see what's wrong.

They look down through the largeish round hole to see Sara sitting in what looks suspiciously like a sewer. She looks up at them. "Hey, guys, didn't that Seeking say the piece was down here? C'mon down! But be careful..." She pulls a huge Band-Aid out of her backpack and puts it over the patch of skin which got scraped off when she went through the hole.

(by Sara F)

"Oh," mutters Keolah stupidly. "Well, they say the mind's the first to go...."

The forumers carefully climb down into the dank, dreary, moist, smelly, damp, stinky, gloomy, slippery, wet, dirty, dark, filthy, mirky, tenebrous sewer.

"Tenebrous?" wonders Sarah.

"Dark and gloomy," replies Keolah. "Don't know where that adjective came from... But this place is most definitely tenebrous. I think.."

Suddenly, they heard a growling from down the tunnel, and knew at once that they were not alone in...

The Sewer...

(by Keolah)

"Is it a lion?" Sarah asked.

"A tiger?" Brian asked.

"A bear?" Quiz asked.

"Oh my," Gally said.

The entire group linked arms and began to creep forward.

(by Gally, who couldn't resist)

As the Fellowship looked down the dark and foreboding passageway to see the firece creature that stood in their way, their courage waned and their knees became shaky. Suddenly, the shadow spoke...

"You are the ones that seek the pieces of the Bathroom door, are you not...?"

"Um...Yes," said the visibly shaken members of the fellowship.

"And you have come for this piece of wood, have you not...?"

The same reply.

"Well, you can have it then. Although it will be useless to you..."

The apparation left, a clean, small piece of wood shining in the light ahead. Quickly, the group climbed out of the sewers and up the eighteen flights of stairs towards the ruined tapestry. They placed the piece of wood in the spot and...

Nothing happened.

Then they waited, and suddenly...

Nothing continued to happen.

Suddenly a noise in the hallway caused them all to turn around. Then they turned back and finally………

(You can predict where this is going by now.)

"Shoot!" said Quiz. "What can go into the space besides a small piece of wood?!!"

Suddenly, he happened to remember what the one thing that he always had in the bathroom was...

"I've got it!" he shrieked, for his endurance was fast fading. "What we need is a trashy magazine to read, like People, or Entertainment Weekly!!"

"But it's in the library..." started Sara.

"...Where the evil Smurfs are..." Sarah continued.

"...and they'll put up a fight!" finished Sara.

"That doesn't matter! We must stand against them!"

(by T.C. Chavez, Quizmaster 4.0)

"Well, I shall brave the evil Smurfs and planet -----ers of the library!" declared Keolah bravely. "Whose with me?"

Somewhere in the distance, a cricket chirped.

"I repeat, whose with me?"

"Um, we all are," the others said uncertainly.

"Now, where's the library, anyway?" wonders Keolah. "The layout of this fewkin castle is comepletely beyond me." Then she remembers her magic again, and the fact that she is still oriented on the library from the last Seeking. "It’s this way, friends. Onward and downward!"

(by Keolah)

The Fellowship follows Keolah to the library. There, they find the smurfs, who are all green by this time, attempting to get issues of magazines like People and Entertainment Weekly away from the much taller Planet -------ers.

Sara frowns. "Geez Louise. They don't havve a chance!" She walks up behind one of the Planet --------ers, who though taller than the smurfs are still shorter than Sara, and plucks the magazine from his hand.

"C'mon, guys, I have it! Let's make a break for it!" She runs out of the library. Right behind her are the Fellowship and the smurfs, who have suddenly remembered that they were supposed to be working with the Forumers. Together they run back up to the Tapestry room. The Bathroom Door is now quite radiant, glowing brightly in the darkish room. Sara hands the magazine to Quiz.

"Hurry! Before you go in your pants!"

Quiz opens the Door and runs in, slamming it behind him. In a couple of minutes, he emerges, no longer so yellow and looking... well, relieved. The smurfs and the rest of the forumers take their turns.

And then a mysterious disembodied voice speaks from somewhere above their heads. "Forumers. Smurfs. Smurfette. You have found the Bathroom Door. It has been lost for many generations. Now all in the castle may, uh, you know, without fearing long lines or lack of privacy. You have done a great service for mankind. Therefore I shall bestow upon you the Sacred Nightlight, so that you may, well, you know, even at night." A small lightbulb attached to an electrical-type plug floated above their heads and then whisked into the Bathroom, where all could see (since the Door was open) that it had been plugged in. "Live long and seek peace," the voice advised. "But don't forget to pee."

(by Sara F)

The End

Back to the Forum Page
Or I suppose you could start all over...