Mr. Mistoffolees
words by T.S. Elliot/music by Andrew Lloyd Webber
from Cats

You ought to ask Mr. Mistoffolees!
The original conjuring cat
The greatest magicians have something to learn
From Mister Mistoffolees' conjuring turn

And you'll all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees

He is quiet, he is small, he is black
From the ears to the tip of his tail
He can creep through the tiniest crack
He can walk on the narrowest rail
He can pick any card from a pack
He is equally cunning with dice
He is always deceiving you into believing
That he's only hunting for mice

He can play any trick with a cork
Or a spoon and a bit of fish paste
If you look for a knife or a fork
And you think it is merely misplaced
You have seen it one moment and then it's gone!
But you find it next week lying on the lawn

And we all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees

And we all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees

And we all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees

And we all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees

Well! My manner is vague and aloof
You would think there was nobody shyer
But voice has been heard on the roof
When I was curled up by the fire
And I've sometimes been heard by the fire
When I was about on the roof
At least they all heard that somebody purred
Which is incontestable proof of my singular 
	magical powers
And I've known the family to call me in from 
	the garden for hours
While I was asleep in the hall

And not long ago this phenomenal cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat

And we all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees

And not long ago this phenomenal cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat

And we all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees

Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees

Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the magical 
	Mr. Mistoffolees!